Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
