Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
