Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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