i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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