im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
