i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
