I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
