I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
