I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
