she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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