Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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