i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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