oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
