I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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