Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I FOUND THE LEGS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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