Screwed.edu
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
