Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
