I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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