drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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