Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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