Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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