good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
