Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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