i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
