you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
