I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
