I am in a vortex of obligation.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
