69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
