Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
