I just cut my nipple shaving
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
