Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
