I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
