you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i came on her dog
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
