just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
