god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
