i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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