so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
