Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
