Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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