My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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