i would punch a child for taco bell
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Holy sore nipples Batman
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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