I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
