it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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