So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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