i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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