So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
