I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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