My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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