I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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