my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
