If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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