Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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