My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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